This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
