break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
