Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
