this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
