Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
