im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
