The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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