I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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