she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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