he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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