i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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