I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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