he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
