I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
