O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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