Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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