we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
