My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I want a musical about memes.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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