the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
