You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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