Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
