Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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