you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
