I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
