You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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