did you get engaged???
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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