I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
