does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
