I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize