Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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