If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
