I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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