who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I believe in your delicious
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
