Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
