May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
