I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
