i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
