There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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