Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
