My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
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He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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