Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Houston, we have a blender
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The air was thick with penises
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Please don't give away my fajitas
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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