His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
