He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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