i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
