Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
