Nicole vs. Life
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
