My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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