the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
