Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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