I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
