I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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