when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
