So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
