Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
