All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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