Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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