I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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