Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
