how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
