I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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