I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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