And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Fuck appropriateness.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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