I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dicks are not precious.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
