I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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