in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
