ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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