Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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