i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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