Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
