Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
