It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
this is an emotional support booty call
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
