carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woke up backwards on a recliner
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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