can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
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so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
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I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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