If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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