Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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